Nice try

Anyone watch the Oscars? I just have one comment to make. I like Beyonce. She's a very beautiful girl who is a great pop singer. But last night she took on not one, not two, but three pieces that were probably all out of her reach. Her voice/training are not adequate for what she was attempting to do. I mean, a duet with Josh Groban? Hello!! And let's not even go into that song in French or singing alongside Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh dear.

I *know* there are many Classically trained singers who are also pretty that would have done a better job on those songs. Why did they have her do all three songs? If she had done just one it would have been cool. But all three?? That was weird.

Skittles rip off

I felt an urge to eat some Skittles this afternoon so I bought a pack from the vending machine downstairs. Here are some approximate statistics regarding the distribution of flavors in my pack:

Color - # of pieces

Green - 14
Purple - 14
Yellow - 13
Orange - 12
Red - 6

That's right folks. Six measely red pieces. I would think red is most peoples' favorite (my personal favorite is orange so I guess I shouldn't be complaining). I just wonder what the business reason behind this is. Do they think that by witholding the good flavor it will entice people to buy more until they satisfy their craving? That could definitely backfire on them. After seeing this I may not buy Skittles for a while!

Is this why the Jolly Rancher people don't sell packs of Cherry flavored candy? Who the hell buys those nasty Watermelon packs anyway? YUCKO.

Banana phone!

Ok, for anyone who reads this, what do you think this song is about?

Email me if you want the music file and I will tell you then what I think it's about. I must warn you I have a pretty dirty mind.


BANANA PHONE by Raffi

Dinga linga linga linga ling ling.
Poopoodoopoodoop!
Poopoodoopoodoop!

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Banana phone.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Banana phone.

I've got this feeling.
So appealing.
For us to get together and sing. Sing!

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Banana phone.
Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong ding. Donana phone.

It grows in bunches.
I've got my hunches.
It's the best, beats the rest.
Celullar, modular, interactive-o-dular.

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Banana phone.
Poopoopoodoopoodoo!
Ping pong, ping pong, ping pong ping. Panana phone.

It's no baloney.
It ain't a phoney.
My cellular. Bananular phone.

Don't need quarters, don't need dimes.
To call a friend of mine.
Don't need computer or TV
to have a real good time.

I'll call for pizza, I'll call my cat.
I'll call the White House, have a chat.
I'll place a call around the world.
Operator get me Beijing, jing, jing, jing, jing!

(musical interlude with clarinet and piano - "Play that thing!")

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Banana phone.
Poopoopoodoopoodoo!
Ying yang, ying yang, ying yang ying. Yananaphone.

It's a real life Mamma and Pappa phone
A brother and sister and a dogga phone
A grandpa phone and a gramaphone, too. Oh yeah!
My celluar, bananular phone.

Bananaphone, ring ring ring.
"It's a phone with a peel."
Bananaphone, ring ring ring.
"Now you can have your phone and eat it too."
Bananaphone, ring ring ring.
"This song drives me bananas."
Bananaphone, ring ring ring.

Poopoodoopoodoop doot doot!

Messy Desk = Success

This morning on WCBS AM I heard the following:

Only 11% of people making over $75k a year considered themselves a "neat freak", yet around 2/3 (67%) of those making $35k or less did.

So when I got to work I looked at my messy desk and smiled. I'm never cleaning my desk again!

Then again, maybe if I do keep it clean I'll eventually find a job I like better even if I make less money? Hmm . . .

Sexy Roaches

Did you hear about the new findings regarding roaches? I really, really, REALLY hate roaches, but somehow I am saddened by how they plan to use this knowledge to eradicate them. Poor, horny roaches. Talk about dangerous booty calls.

The next American Idol

This video has been going around the internet for the past week or two under the title "Fat Guy Singing" or something like that. I sure hope that kid did it on purpose since it has spread all over the Net now. Otherwise, I hope he's not scarred for life.

One thing's for certain, he sure knows how to have fun with his music. And there's nothing wrong with that! I'm the first to admit that I get all into my stuff too. It's just that I make sure there are no cameras rolling . . .

**Fun** Guy, three cheers to you for being carefree and happy!

A place to play

Speaking of my oboe I have a funny story from my lesson last Friday. I celebrated my 2 month anniversary of playing oboe last Wednesday (the 9th), by the way. Everybody say, "awwww". Awww.

Anyway so for the last couple of weeks I've noticed that my teacher is no longer rushing through my lesson and seems a bit more pleased to listen to me. I guess it's sounding less like a dying duck and more like, hmm, music. I did really quite well the lesson before that one and so I had tried practicing extra hard to impress him again, but I was playing on my new rental which I'm not entirely used to yet. I did ok I think but could have had better control of my embouchure.

So this conversation takes place at the end of the lesson:

TEACHER: Now all you need is a place to play.

ME: (thinking inside: Damn! I sound so bad that I need to find a practice place away from my neighbors. WAH!) Oh, I practice at home and it's been working out so far.

TEACHER: (laughing) I mean an orchestra! This school has a mentoring orchestra and I think you're near ready to play 2nd or 3rd oboe there. Call the school up and see if they let the adult students in.

ME: (eyes well up and I almost fall back on my chair) Oh . . . wow . . . err . . . yay!!


Ok I still can't believe he said that. As you can see from my naive response that was the last thing in my mind. Me? Playing with others so soon? When I first started I figured it would take 10 years to play even in an amateur orchestra. Then after I started I brought my figure down to 5. But now he's making me think it can happen this year. He said I'm playing in tune and that my prior musical experience is helping me a lot. All I need to work on is getting that infamous dolce oboe sound and I'll be good to go. He's even going to start me on making reeds soon. I've been sent to get some of the equipment. You normally don't start doing this until you've been playing a year so I'm happy that he thinks I'm ready/serious enough to start on this essential part of my training.

Mentoring orchestra. Wow! So what if I will be old enough to be some of those kids' mom. I can't even think about how gratifying it will be to play!

Do I have to wear pigtails to fit in?

2 points for Dad

In a family full of tone-deaf, arrythmic people, I've often wondered were my tiny bit of musical talent came from. Mom's side can completely maul "Happy Birthday", yet Dad's side is not much better.

Because the few of us who do have musical leanings come from a mix of both sides (long story) I've been thinking it's some recessive gene on both ends. But after this weekend I'm leaning towards it coming more strongly from Dad actually. Amazing but true.

I had my first official oboe concert this Sunday. OK, it wasn't really a concert. I played the intro to "Amarte es un Placer" for my relatives who hadn't ever seen or heard an oboe before. Since I'm only starting I told them I wanted them to hear real oboe players so I put on some Classical CDs for them.

I had to play my favorite movement (III) of my new favorite symphony: Brahm's 3rd. As soon as it starts I see Dad's eyes light up and he go into thinking mode. He claims he's heard the piece before. I figure it's possible since it's a very popular symphony. A few minutes later he remembers where he heard it. And no, it wasn't on PBS. He heard it on Santana's "Supernatural" CD. So we bring that out and put on the second track "Love of My Life". Sure enough it is indeed an adaptation of that oh-so-beautiful melody from the third movement. No credit is given to poor Brahms, but oh well. It sounds better in its original form anyway. *wink*

Needless to say I was quite impressed with Dad's ability to tie the pop tune to its Romantic origins. Three cheers for him and for God who decided to give me a nice sampling of those elusive genes.

Road Rage

They say New Yorkers are crass and rude and all other kinds of things, especially on the road. But let me tell you something. It's not us New Yorkers who are the worst road ragers on my commute. No, no, no. It's Wisteria Lane wannabe CT bitches who are! They might look all demure and proper but they turn into monsters behind the wheel of their expensive sports car or their way-too-big SUVs. You can be driving near 90 on the left lane of the CT Turnpike and soon enough you'll have one of them tailgating you so close that you can't see their headlights. Where are they going in such a hurry anyway? Their kid's soccer practice? A fitting for their latest custom dress? The jewelry store?

I think that despite all their wealth these women maybe suffer from a sense of powerlessness and they take that out on the road and their fellow drivers.

Message to all you rude female drivers in CT: take a damn chill pill before you get in your car. You're going to kill yourselves and take other innocent people with you.

Huh?

So I call my pharmacy to refill my heart meds and this is what I hear:

"Welcome to Stop and Shop pharmacy located on Main ave in Norwalk, Connecticut. If you're a physician, press one. If you're a customer, press three."

What happened to the two? Do you need to be a top secret agent to press two?

I've been calling this place for years now but it never dawned on me how weird that sounds.

Maybe I will call back and press two for kicks.

Things I hate about the girls' bathroom

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad it exists. Especially on those special occasions when you "gotta go, gotta go". But the little girls' room has some annoying properties. At least the one here on the 7th floor of this wonderful building.

(1) Refusal to flush the Neat Seats - Are you all familiar with "Neat Seats", those handy paper things you can cover the toilet seat with for a supposed sanitary visit. Do those really even work? Well, that's a whole other story. Anyway for some reason the dainty girls of this floor do not like to flush the neat seats after they use them. They leave them there on the toilet seat, butt marks and all. YUCKO! How hard is it to flush the damn things?!

(2) Pack activity - Now girls, do we really need to go together in packs? I think we're all old enough to do this all by ourselves. Thank goodness that my one female work buddy does not insist on making a trip to the bathroom together part of our daily routine.

(3) Interbooth conversations - This is related to the one above. We don't really want to hear your conversations. You're in the bathroom for crying out loud. Do what you have to do and get out.

(4) Teeth brushing - This is a wonderful idea. I'm sure ADA loves it. But maybe there should be a specific bathroom for the teeth brushers. They're always in the way with their greater-than-thou attitudes.

(5) Literature ban - This is my biggest pet peeve. How come it's ok for the men to prance into their bathroom with their bathroom literature in plain view? Yet it's taboo for women to read in the bathroom? Is it because women aren't supposed to fart or poop? Sometimes I just feel like reading and I can't do it while sitting in my office so I find a lonely booth and just read for a few minutes. But the rustling of pages seems to bother most females. They run out in horror!

Women of the world unite and say YES to bathroom literature!